Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

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When small and Large change roles / Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

This journey is starting to feel increasingly real... I have just purchased my travel insurance.

So another beginning is just around the corner..
Soon I shall touch Golden Gate Bridge and cycle from Mission to Dolores Park for a morning Yoga Practice. (Oh how optimistic.. will I really do this in the foggy, chilly San Francisco, still sleepy pre-sunrise, mornings? - well.. Why not? But I may look out for some thermals to help the internal fires firing up on the way to the park. Curiously I can already picture the post practice juice in the nearby Cafe so much easier than the practice itself, now why would that be..??)

Then what about middles and endings? Well I will save this for another more reflective time. Until soon my new friends. Stay warm or cool depending on where you are.

the winds are changing / change of direction

And today I stood up for myself. In a way that I had not dared to in 4 years. It is a little too early to report the details but I have a feeling that maybe now I can get my voice back. I have never before felt as voiceless as I did in the past 4 years. When I began a particular journey I began it with a strong voice, I was shaken from another life event, but I felt that I had a confident voice that was worth hearing.

I emerged from the journey that I had embarked upon muted, whimpering, voiceless. And it has been a mystery to me where my voice went, why I couldn't retrieve it, why I lost the strong path I had chosen for myself. With my voice I lost vision, too. Perhaps there are some among you who are familiar with the curious phenomenon of when you can not find your glasses and try to have a conversation while your eyes just can not really focus.. And for inexplicable reasons, it should be the opposite, but you just can not hear properly, you can't concentrate on the sounds and you can't focus your mind. All because of the absence of your spectacles that have helped you find the vision in your life.. It is always a huge relief when I relocate these absentee glasses..

Why it might be that I lost my vision as well as my voice? I am not sure exactly, I have theories, but I will leave these to mature a while and write more in another post. Have you ever lost your voice or vision? I would love to hear a little about your feelings and musings. Please be welcomed to post in the comments section.

after I returned..

.. the journey has changed life.. more and more.. I think I know how and it becomes clear that more and more is changing. Life is all new and like it's been put in a spin at the launderette. Everything is different.

There was a young boy there. And I just found him on another blog page, by chance, I wasn't looking for him. But it reminded me of how inspiring he is. 8-9 years youger than I am but not struggling with all the burdens I had put on my plate when I was his age. Not selfconscious and panicked. He is a great example of how everyone of us could just approach life. Free from these weights..

With excitement for life, positive outlook and generosity. When did I start to listen to all the cynics.. ?
Life can seriously be beautiful, especially for us who we have such a luxury of this freedom of movement. So much more so than the majority of people around the world.

I see his photographs of his trip and wish I too had had more energy, had chose to be happier rather than so reflective and heavy inside myself all the time.

I spoke to Julian one day, a passing friend - another candian- I asked if he thinks that we have a choice to have so much energy for people, for generosity for happyness. He thinks that we almost always have a choice and that it comes down to choosing love over fear.

Choose Love instead of Fear.
Yes.
I try and remind myself.
He is right everything that I can think of really can be reduced to just that.
Love and Fear.
It is hard in our cynical, clever world to be so open about these thoughts.
Is the world really so cynical or is that me being afraid of it possibly being so?

So I am now off to get ready for art. Much needs organising for my project.
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Yoga. . I love the practice and the disciplin I am beginning to understand.. The secrets that you can only learn by not giving up.

I am just sorry that I didn't take more photographs and that I am not on any at all... next time..

As a next time there will be, not long from now, even. I am returning for some more learning, sweating, maybe crying, definitely laughing and certainly coconut water drinking. India did some magic on me. Life is changed inexplicably. Yoga really did change everything. Life, love, inspiration, perception and understanding has shifted to some place more clam and firm. All the uprooting of leaving friends and home has helped new roots to shoot. So maybe I am like a plant, cut some twiggs and there is more strength for the serious branches to reach out.