Considering real changes - boring post

yesterday was my birthday, I had a tantrum that turned out to have been a particularly noticeable side effect of PMT, broke an expensive, barely 2 year old, porcelain crown and enjoyed some delicious food prepared by the person who represents permanent sunshine in my life and whose presence polishes my soul when it oxidizes.

I mistook the cracking of the crown as a split tooth and pictured yesterday as the milestone marker for the decay of my soon to be toothless mouth. Luckily my dentist isn't in his profession solely for the money and told me that all is not lost and that I qualify for a free replacement. Hurrah to that. Kind of.

It's a funny time when birthdays remind us of the speedy passing of time and life. And once past 30 a birthday just isn't filled with the same anticipation of things to come. This could just be me. But if I am honest with you I fear the passing of life but have spent the past 4 years often waiting for time to pass so that I could be in this place or that place; while dismissing the place that I actually was at..

It can be tricky to maximize one's potential and engagement in places that one intends to only pass through. But unless I manage to do this better I will miss a lot of valuable time and I suspect a lot of joy, too.

Here are some life plans for the coming year:
- more (a LOT more) crochet projects - I live onwards with the dream that a huge big Wintersale will come and line my treasure trunks with golden coins...
- more photography and more captializing on the photography
- more art - more selling
- more yoga and Thai Massage practicing
- filming and photographing a set of recipe and life tips for friends and family. For fun and if the project is any good for a little blog, too.
- taming my wild blogging explosion (I don't even know how many live blogs I have right now! + 2 website domains that I pay for!)

- beginning a second postgraduate degree, ideally soon, but I haven't been good in beginning.
Wouldn't you think that if I really wanted to begin something that I would just do it?

more travel is on the horizon... / my improvised life

... I know I should be delighted but somehow I just want to stay at home and not go anywhere.. At the same time I know that the place that I am in will not be the place that will let me spread my wings and wing spreading is beginning to take on a crucial and urgent importance.. I feel like I have long been pushed off the edge of a high cliff and MUST make a point of opening those wings lest I wish to land uncomfortably on hard ground..

The comforts or being in a place where people know my face from almost two decades of living my improvised life..  Having a history is soothing. People remembering my name and face makes me feel at home. To most people this likely is normal, to me it is extraordinary. But .. yes there always is a but...

My but involves the calling of dreams and far away places but also the necessary manouvering and relocating to be with my partner who needs to return to San Francisco. America and it's GM foods.. A woman of many principles is finding this a hard decision.

Have you ever tried to leave behind your library of books? Your kitchen (I love food), your comfortable 100% cotton bedding? You will appreciate these things beyond bounds once you have spent months or years missing them.. The main glitch is that the city that houses my comforts distinctly does not house the culture and opportunities that the rest of me needs.

Where next?! Will I join my soulshine and fly to San Francisco? I am distinctly past my mid-30's now, will I manage to make a life for myself that offers security in the future? I am beginning to sweat a little.

While contemplating the location of my bookshelf and the option of earthquake prone San Francisco I am also beginning to stretch out my feelers for a potential Phd. I have an idea now of how to proceed to try and change paths from Fine Art Focus to possibly Sociology. The route may take me via religion, ritual and dance.. Bear with me here or visit my Artist blog over on www.blogger.com/birgitdeubner
I will try and formulate my thoughts over the coming months..

Leading a uniquely individual life is a challenge sometimes... maybe it is not entirely unlike being an explorer and I do enjoy reading about those early day women travelers who made their way across deserts and mountains, far away places..... 

over7seas goes to the craft market ...

over7seas_DSC_1818, a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

I have reopened my etsy shop and am continuing selling my handmade crochet items. I am soon adding photographs from places near and far (both as small prints and some digital downloads, too - yay!).

There is even a money saving code... If you find the coupon code box and type
'friendspayless' then you can save 20% until the end of July!

See you over at Etsy soon. xxx

p.s. I will be at Camp and Furnace in Liverpool this weekend, to sell some crochet items and photographic prints, come on by if you have time.

Living in Italy

The time in Italy is nearing it's end and it was a mixed bag of personal matters and external influences. When we first arrived the choice of fruit in the supermarket wasn't all that great, but as the summer neared the variety expanded. I love the things that appear on the shelves, apricots so small that they are barely bigger than a large cherry, and so, so tasty. A cactus fruit of which I still don't know the name, the range of tomatoes (some so sweet you feel like they are fruit), the misshapen and large peppers, the boxes of small mildly spicy peppers, the way that mushrooms here are sold with roots still attached, keeping them fresher... everything feels more alive and more natural here than in the general supermarkets back in England.

I miss the choice of vegan friendly products that I know from London and in limited range also in Liverpool. Ultimately nothing beats the organic supermarket in San Francisco. But when I think of the foods that I have had the opportunity to eat in the past year, the mango and mini bananas in Thailand, the freshness of the vegetables and fruit from the markets there, the amazing range of delicious oranges in San Francisco, the coffees, the vegetables here, the nuts there, the dates in San Francisco, the coconuts, the melons... Each place has had a richness to offer. It is hard to select the best place for food. I think San Francisco allowed for the widest variety in diet, while Italy strikes me as probably the most natural and the freshest and in season, yet frustrating when the season is taking it's time to arrive.

If it was for food where would I live?
My vote would actually be with San Francisco - IF I could be certain that GMO products could be completely avoided. Unfortunately GM is such a huge business you just can't tell for certain if it will be possible to evade them entirely. Just think of groundwater affected and one way or another I can not imagine that one can get away from GM if one lived in America. What do you think?

From the outer journeys back to the inner ones / Rebooting life, starting as fresh and as nutritious as possible

I have just experienced renewed problems with my joints, with my left bog toe joint being inflamed and swollen, painful even when I don't step on it. Is it arthritis? So I want to track my foods and their cost and the logistics of being on a limited diet for the next weeks. This comes just as I am about to set off for Italy to teach English for a couple of months.

This means that I won't have my Omega 8004 juicer with me or my citrus press, But I think I will buy a citrus press, it is just so handy to speed squeeze lemons and limes and with this inflammation the alkalizing effect of these citrus fruits will really be helpful. I will be without my little library of useful books that I usually like to consult when I feel out of sorts.

It is really worrying that my joints flared up again, but not surprising. I have just spent 5 weeks in the most polluted environment that I have ever voluntarily subjected myself to. Each breath was a reminder of what toxins taste like. Never will I ever allow my body to be subjected to smog. I should have drawn my conclusions and left but the reasons for staying are for another blog post.

For now I just wanted to announce that some of my joints are in pain and that I want to do this properly this time. 'This' being a real adaptation of diet and lifestyle, with clarity and precision. This time I would like to get behind the curtains to learn why exactly my body is so weak. Is the food I eat becoming poorer in quality or is my immune system losing strength? Probably it is a combined matter, but while I know this makes me sound like a nut, I need to get to the bottom of this and source food that maintains a high nutrient content to support my body, which is clearly overladen with the negative environmental impact of the smog filled city that I have just spent 5 weeks in.

Points that I would like to keep an eye on
- cost / how to finance a healthy lifestyle
- nutrient content
- noticeable benefits
- how to choose healthy while not at home (in transit, in commute, on a journey)
- discipline / is it difficult to have the discipline to chose what my body needs to heal and stay healthy?
- discipline / general lifestyle changes, are they going to be hard to maintain? Will I manage to self-practice Yoga several times a week and remember to find the focus to meditate? (When I know how supportive these practices are to my body!)

- does all this have to become my life or can it be a supporting element in my life?
- do I have to give up life content to make time and room for complicated food sourcing and preparing strategies?

I am starting a video blog to keep track of myself and how it will all work. It is far from professional, but if you would like to check in then you can do it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zb9rxo5RVa8

this is just some of me:

Bilingual in English & German

Languages spoken & written

Photography & Film
Artist & Scenographer

Yoga & Traditional Thai Massage
Crochet Scarves, Neckwarmers and Cowles and Slippers
Adventures & Nests

Blueberries and Coffee
Mango and Papaya
Vibrant Foods
Fresh green juices

favorite breakfast:

favorite breakfast: , a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

I am fantasizing about this delicious breakfast.. yum..

Rice idly with tomato sambar and coconut chutney.. oh it has been too long since
I last had this at 7am in the morning, just as the cafe opens it's doors..

Chinese New Year is on the doorstep

Liverpool Chinese New Year, a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

Another opportunity to remember how fleeting time is. It seems a little like yesterday when it was the first day of the year, when we might have thought about making time to take stock and refresh our plans for the time ahead.. and then you blink and a month went by. 

In comes the Chinese New Year. Another chance to celebrate the constant passing and constant arriving of time.This photograph is quite old, 7 years ago. If I just think of all that came and went in those years... So much that I could not have imagined. Such a variety of experiences.. I was stalked, I loved, I lost, I fought for my career, I won some I lost some.

I didn't know then that in the same year I would make my way to far away places, or that I would begin this blog, even. Within a year from taking this photograph I started a new life, found courage, lost treasures, heard the Dalai Lama speak, while I was surrounded by 100's of Tibetan monks, was touched by Pattabhi Jois and the (at the time) stern teaching of Sharath his grandson, as much as I was touched by his smile when I finally 'got it'.. I met dawn and dusk in Cambodia and opened my eyes to the world and my Self. I understood so much and misunderstood more. I found lessons to chew on for life. ... So much happened. And I didn't write about it yet. We should catch up one day and exchange stories.

These past 7 years have been intense. This february I may take the opportunity to begin to shed that skin of story.. That skin of life. It is time to continue to grow and once in a while we need a new skin to do it in. Like the huge ghecko I once watched climb out of his skin, still looking bewildered by the change (or my camera lens). When I think back to all these people and experiences that passed through my life in these past 7 years I feel incredibly enriched and incredibly confident that there is little reason why the coming 7 years shouldn't be just as survivable and quite possibly even amazing! The pains I felt and grew out of, emotional pains, body pains, growing pains... 

Maybe I can tell you about some of these skins and cocoons I built and shed. 

I feel courageous to leap ahead into the future today.

Coffee and amazing orange juice at the friendly Progressive Grounds Cafe in San Francisco

Coffee and amazing orange juice at the friendly Progressive Grounds Cafe in San Francisco, a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

Oh yum!

I crocheted these heart ornaments for my Etsy shop Over7seas. x

Happy St. Nicolaus Day

Happy St. Nicolaus Day, a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

Advent Calendar..
I sewed these bags by hand.. I will never sew again if I can help it. I learnt the hard way that I find sewing by hand intensely unpleasant. (One off items are ok, but not 24 Advent Calendar bags)

I love you so sincerely ..

I love you so sincerely .., a photo by Birgit Deubner on Flickr.

I took this as San Francisco declaring it's love to me!

apologies for the long silence

Apologies for the absence. I have been having problems with Blogger and it's way of organizing photographs, which caused hours of frustrating and unsuccessful shuffling of images.. THEN I learnt that I had reached my image capacity only to be extended once I pay an annual sum of money.. SInce I have no regular visitors that I know of I am not sure this is worth it.. I used to host images on Flickr, set them to private there but publish them here. This is also no longer possible due to changes in permissions on Flickr. Overall a pain.. I was going to give up Blogspot, but I love the friendly format (minus the absolute nightmare of organizing photographs). For now I will keep my blogs, but I am looking around for alternatives.. Wordpress is not quite my thing either, I have active blogs there but the layout is limited and a bit sterile.. I would love your tips.
(woman with a blog habit and an infinite number of images..)

P.s. do please check my tab: 90 Days in San Francisco. There will be a return link to this blog (my Home Blog) on the top of the page. mercie and see you over on the other side of the Atlantic.. 

Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

http://90daysinsf.blogspot.com/

When small and Large change roles / Golden Gate Bridge tamed by my fingers

This journey is starting to feel increasingly real... I have just purchased my travel insurance.

So another beginning is just around the corner..
Soon I shall touch Golden Gate Bridge and cycle from Mission to Dolores Park for a morning Yoga Practice. (Oh how optimistic.. will I really do this in the foggy, chilly San Francisco, still sleepy pre-sunrise, mornings? - well.. Why not? But I may look out for some thermals to help the internal fires firing up on the way to the park. Curiously I can already picture the post practice juice in the nearby Cafe so much easier than the practice itself, now why would that be..??)

Then what about middles and endings? Well I will save this for another more reflective time. Until soon my new friends. Stay warm or cool depending on where you are.

when doing right is maybe equally wrong

Today I caught a thief in the street, who stole from my small struggling local grocery store.. While I held onto him and he returned his bounty I started to feel sad. Pathetic thin pretend-down jacket that he will likely hope will keep him warm this winter. A man in poverty and I caught him stealing. I don't feel good about myself at all. 

I cycled after him as soon as I could get away from the cheers of the shop worker, who called me superwoman and shouted "thief" and "shame" after the thief.. I tried to find him to give him £2. I think he could have used it even more than me. Being as short of money as I was in the last 5 months has really realigned my comprehension of 'not having'. 

Feel sad that I caught a thief and grabbed his jacket, so he couldn't escape a second time. 

:(

It doesn't matter how deep into a posture you go - 

what does matter is who you are when you get there. 

~Max Strom

one step closer to San Francisco today

At last I finally purchased my flight tickets! All was well until the moment I was prompted to select my return flight, the heart undertook a distinct thud landing. Heavy feelings predicting the way we both will feel as I step through security, leaving the other half behind in America while I board the plane to England. I just know how it will feel for sunny J. to sit on the public transport without me and I won't feel much happier flying in the wrong direction..

So it took me an infinitely long time to arrange my flights and select which felt like they might be good dates. Difficult. And right at the end United Airlines didn't accept Paypal after all. I did all this research and found their page where they are so proud of offering paypal payment options. Nonsense. It was nowhere to be found when I looked for it. So my poor squealing credit card had to stand in once more.

Now I have my ticket. Finally there is a clear schedule! I will relax as soon as I have booked my travel insurance. The silliest things have the power to stop one from flying. So I would like to be prepared just in case. And taking a trip to America without travel insurance would be pure madness anyway.

the winds are changing / change of direction

And today I stood up for myself. In a way that I had not dared to in 4 years. It is a little too early to report the details but I have a feeling that maybe now I can get my voice back. I have never before felt as voiceless as I did in the past 4 years. When I began a particular journey I began it with a strong voice, I was shaken from another life event, but I felt that I had a confident voice that was worth hearing.

I emerged from the journey that I had embarked upon muted, whimpering, voiceless. And it has been a mystery to me where my voice went, why I couldn't retrieve it, why I lost the strong path I had chosen for myself. With my voice I lost vision, too. Perhaps there are some among you who are familiar with the curious phenomenon of when you can not find your glasses and try to have a conversation while your eyes just can not really focus.. And for inexplicable reasons, it should be the opposite, but you just can not hear properly, you can't concentrate on the sounds and you can't focus your mind. All because of the absence of your spectacles that have helped you find the vision in your life.. It is always a huge relief when I relocate these absentee glasses..

Why it might be that I lost my vision as well as my voice? I am not sure exactly, I have theories, but I will leave these to mature a while and write more in another post. Have you ever lost your voice or vision? I would love to hear a little about your feelings and musings. Please be welcomed to post in the comments section.

new project ...

30 days and my new project will go live:
For more information: please check the page link above '90 days in San Francisco'

gathering the means to make a journey

I would like to introduce you to my other Blog Surplus Possessions Sale. At the moment I have listed for sale: Yoga mats, Yoga mat bags & Handmade Indian Notebooks..
You can buy everything you see, and if it is not linked to an online shop then just ask and I can either send you a paypal invoice or create a custom listing for you. 

*dvds (yes this is where the actual surplus comes in)
*books
*clothing and shoes and
*odds and ends

Making space.. & Making a journey possible..
Read the post: Yoga Mat Bags & story posted on september 8th.

http://surpluspossessionssale.blogspot.co.uk/

yogi

and this is somebody who teaches me a lot...

Cambodia last year flooding, this year drought - 2012

Last year the flooding destroyed many crops of rice across Cambodia, causing hardship across the country. This year drought is threatening the harvest. The rainy season should have started in May but until now there is hardly any rain, 11 provinces are affected. My friend Nakry and his family rely on their crop. They have not got enough income to eat well without it. Another failed crop will cause a lot of hardship and malnourishment. I am including a link to a Food Security website with more detailed information about the situation in Cambodia right now. If anything reports like these underplay the seriousness. They are intended to provide factual information, I am concerned for my friends's wellbeing.
http://foodsecuritylink.net/cambodia/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&layout=category&task=category&id=1&Itemid=40

In september I will spend some time to try and collect a few modest donations once more. But this year I would like to help Nakry with the fees for a certified french language course. He can't afford it himself, but certificates of his french ability will help him secure better income and greater job security over time. This is something he lacks and wishes for. He hasn't asked me for it but I would like to offer.

If possible I would like to extend this to his 17 year old cousin who being a girl left school when money was tight in the family to work as day labourer on other people's fields. Through Nakry's position as a guide at the Silk Farm outside Siem Reap she might well be able to also get employed there if she can learn english and a second language.

I would like to extend these possibilities to as many of his family members as possible.

--
the drought is also leaving 4.3 million people short of drinking water.

a deadline is approaching

I am looking for words to write this dissertation that I need to finish by
August the 28th. I'm writing about drawing, about the body and movement..
I will let you know if and when I really get a grasp on what I am trying to say.
In the meantime this is what it feels like to concentrate, access my mind and focus:

Time to Find Out- Chris and Thomas

A beautiful reminder that life is for now.

this could be an entry from my diary

of course this wonderful teacher is a lot more senior to me, but what he says is so central to which way I am thinking about Yoga. And I've recently started to feel quite estranged from what seems to be going on with Yoga classes. 'when you are training for a marathon it doesn't matter what you feel... in the yoga practice there is no race...'.

what I am watching for inspiration today

Yvonne Pouget: "Lu Labbru" from Gianni Lamagna