Friday, November 01, 2019

Once upon a time I was pretty green behind the ears...

... which is when this blog was started.

Back in the days when the internet was relatively new, and everything seemed much more innocent.. This is when I stacked a lot of personal interests several layers deep on this blog and several others. The list of blogs that I have started and not always kept up with is longer than my arm. I learnt a lot of lessons in the process, among them that this page just might be too naive

Journal Entry November 1st - My Life in San Francisco

It's been some years, frankly while everything changed, nothing changed enough for me to feel that I could reveal any great progress. If anything life has been backtracking, running in a curious kind of reverse mode. I just stumbled across my old Blogspot life and wonder what might have been had I not gotten so tangled up in 300 other projects and just ran with one, maybe this one. A life lived across several borders, more poetically imagined across many oceans.


It is 2019, since we all lat met here there have been illness, loss, surgery, healing, a lot of moving, a lot of uncertainty and instability. In January 2016 I was ready for all of life to change, to resume some old parts of myself in the Arts, to continue dreaming and wandering in a way that is healthy for the soul. The reality was that political shifts took place, causing uncertainty about our options for where home could be.

Writing to you feels like writing to old friends. This blogspot format so familiar, so vintage, comforting.

In parallel to the future UK immigration situation being all of a sudden so uncertain, my health did some weird flips and kicks and I just attributed it to stress. In a way it probably was all down to stress but by December 2017 it became clear this was not stress alone. In early 2018 I had a surgery that in some ways is routine but I challenge anybody experiencing it to be causal about it, to me it was a major gravity life event and it changed things for the better, eventually.

Living in California, while not vibrant and exuberantly healthy also meant that we struggled hard. The cost of housing here was and is and probably will remain to be: horrendous. It is only in the last years that I am realising just how inhibiting housing cost is to ever growing numbers of people. I don't know what is driving the prices up but the average human being does not earn double what they did 10-15-20 years ago, yet their cost of living has easily doubled (again, in many places, I can only generalise using the reference points that I have). HOW are we meant to thrive?


I am honestly bewildered how this can be a functioning economic system. It is throwing me sideways day after day. And yet here we are, still remaining in California and I am ever more unsure what to do. So there really is only ONE single way out: and that is to find a way, fast, to myself become more agile in this economic market and become successful, financially successful not humanly successful because being a good and creative human alone has no value that would pay the cost of living. (Kind of, there is of course the exception that one may get help, but I don't want to count on help as a means for a thriving life)

Maybe I should have used all those countless ideas that I had for new blog & website ideas to channel them into headlines / blog titles / article titles.


Life became fragmented, across oceans , across platforms, across projects, across everything and nothing and maybe that all was too much or maybe that all was inexplicably useful. Yet in all honesty what can be more useful than to be able to afford, financially, to thrive.

It would mean a lot if I could count on your support. What you can do to help people who are trying to turn their life around, without getting all tangled up in the messiness of their lives? Engage with their online content, share it, click the positive buttons, if you can make a Pledge to their patron or Venmo, or to their Paypal or their online shops. Most of all SHARE what they are trying to build. You may not know how important daily, weekly, monthly, regular engagement is. What is engagement? Engagement is all of the above examples and also: commenting positive words (critiques and suggestions are always best for private messages) and subscribing.. Your support makes ALL the difference to all of us who are trying to rebuild our lives.